


all that you said (is engraved in my head)

by captainsabs



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: F/F, F/M, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, I Was Drunk When I Wrote This, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 14:33:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11946282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainsabs/pseuds/captainsabs
Summary: "Sixteen years ago I climbed through your bay window, I just heard a girl singing and I was intrigued, little did I know back then that I was about to meet who I know to be my soul-mate. I never understood love, but I understood what I felt when I was with you; it was happiness, it was an overwhelming sense of calm and purpose that I had never felt with anybody else."





	all that you said (is engraved in my head)

Four years had surpassed in a blur since Maya climbed out of the bay window for what was the final time; broken promises, heartbreaking final words, and the feel of Riley’s hand in her own was all Maya had to cling onto from her best friend, the best friend who turned into nothing but a stranger.

Almost four years to the day that Maya officially gave up on giving Riley Matthews her heart, was the date of Riley and Lucas’ wedding, and the blonde was heartbroken. Maya sat back against her bedroom wall, her knees pulled to her chest and tears streaming down her cheeks; the bottle of vodka was nearly empty, and Maya’s grip on the neck was loosening, not that she cared, she was numb from every ounce of pain that had punched her in the stomach since the day of their wedding fell upon her. The bottle slipped and hit the floor, the remaining liquor spilling out on the hardwood floor, soaking into Maya’s jeans as she let her head hit the wall, eyes closing and exhaling shaky breath after shaky breath.

Her phone lit up beside her, and not a second later the loud ringtone resonated through the walls of her room, Zay’s name lighting up the screen, rubbing her temples, Maya scrambled for her phone, sliding her thumb across at the second attempt and pushing the device against her ear.

“… Are you ok?” Zay’s voice was full of skepticism, but still his tone full of concern for his best friend.

“What the fuck do you think?” Maya snapped back, the bite in her tone receiving a sharp intake of breath from Zay on the other line. “The love of my life is marrying someone who isn’t me – and I – I can’t let it happen.”

“You cannot under any circumstances break Riley’s heart.” Zay deadpanned, hesitating upon continuing speaking, waiting anxiously for a reply from Maya. “Hart, promise me you won’t do anything to ruin this wedding.”

“… I promise.” Maya uttered weakly, the effects of the vodka at 11AM after having no sleep finally catching up with her, but with an over-exaggerated eye roll; Maya in no way whatsoever meant that promise. “Hey, can I come and see you?” Maya asked, pressing her palm into her thigh, and screwing her eyes tightly shut to the point where she started seeing shapes in the front of her eyelid.

“I’ll leave the door on the latch.” Was Zay’s reply, and Maya wasted no time in ending the call and stumbling to her feet, falling forward and grabbing onto her dresser before she hit the floor face first. Looking into the small circle mirror sitting atop the dresser, run mascara and exhausted eyes stared back at her; Maya currently was a shadow of the girl that had allowed Riley to shower with so much happiness for so many years.

Grabbing her jacket; Maya dragged her sweater sleeve across her cheeks to wipe away at her tear-stained cheeks before she headed out of her apartment without so much as a look back. Filled with a brand new sense of determination, Maya would be damned if she did not get one last chance to finally admit that she was stupidly in love with Riley.

The subway ride was filled with anxiety building up in Maya’s stomach, her hands pressed flat against the seat and her head dropped, her eyes fixated on her scuffed boots, and the pieces of discarded gum forever stuck to the subway car floor. Maya knew convincing Zay would never be the easiest task, hence, the reasoning why she did not actually need him; she just needed the address of the venue and after that, it was a race against time to stop the wedding before Maya could even begin to think rationally about the idiotic idea she had.

Still feeling the vodka on her lips, Maya sighed as she walked down the streets of Harlem, still questioning why Zay chose to move here, but not wanting to dwell on the subject and shift her focus from the task in hand, Maya pushed open the apartment building door that Zay had opened for her, and she ascended the stairs, feeling sick to her stomach with every step she took, continuously begging herself silently to not blow her cover, knowing Zay would probably lock her in his closet if he knew her real reasoning behind the impromptu visit just an hour before Riley was due to marry Lucas.

Knocking on the door, Maya swallowed thickly as a half dressed Isaiah Babineaux answered the door, a weary smile on his face that could easily have been confused for sympathy. “Don’t even start feeling sorry for me Babineaux.” Maya wagged a finger in his face, mustering up her best smirk as she walked into his apartment. Maya immediately started scanning countertops and tables for the wedding invitation, in all honesty, Maya had expected an invitation from Riley having known the brunette to never be one to hold a grudge, but perhaps after losing her best friend for no reason, it can leave a bitter taste, so, Maya could not in fact disagree with what she was assuming was the reasoning for the non-invite.

“Hart.” Zay broke the building silence, “Riley doesn’t hate you.”

_Four words._

_Riley doesn’t hate you._

“She’s a fool.” Maya scoffed, rolling her eyes and turning to face her best friend. “She has always deserved better than me.” Maya shrugged, walking towards the kitchen counter and hopping up to sit cross-legged on it.

Maya and Zay glanced at each other; four years ago, the night that Maya had climbed out of the bay window, she had gotten drunk and turned up at Zay’s parents house, banging on the door and screaming Babineaux at the top of her lungs, clutching a near empty bottle of whiskey, it had taken barely two minutes for Maya to start sobbing into the boy’s chest, pouring her heart out about how she liked girls the way she was supposed to like boys, and how she had been in love with Riley for years.

Zay had been the biggest support for Maya, always the one she could turn to when she needed him, granted, sober Maya had no intentions of pouring her heart out, but there were nights when the blonde fell off the bandwagon, crying hysterically into Zay’s lap about how pathetically happy Riley and Lucas were, how she should be the one holding her hand, kissing her strawberry flavored lips and falling asleep in her arms every night.

“I know today isn’t the easiest day-”

“No shit,” Maya interrupted with an eye roll.

“ _Anyway._ ” Zay continued, narrowing his eyes at the girl. “I just wished there was a way I could make all of this easier on you.”

“It’s ok.” Maya forced out, pressing her lips together, “All I have ever cared about is Riley’s happiness, even now.”

_It wasn’t a complete lie._

~

Zay had left for the church ten minutes ago, and after unsuccessfully throwing scrunched up balls of paper into the trashcan in the kitchen. Maya finally found the invitation sticking out from under two magazines on the table, leaning back until the back of her knees hit the couch; Maya pulled the invitation out and rolled her eyes at Lucas’ name, but admired the glittery paper and soft splattering of golden stars on the card,

_Riley and Lucas_

_Riley and Maya_

The blonde knew the couple she had always preferred. After finding the location, Maya threw her jacket on and raced out of the apartment, letting the door slam behind her, she flew down the stairs at accelerated speed, yanking open the building doors, she raced down the street, weaving in and out of shoppers, dodging pushchairs and small children. She flagged down a cab and flung the invitation into his hand, “Step on it!” She exclaimed, feeling the panic set in at the possibility she would not make it on time.

Maya flew backwards, hitting the back of the seat when the cab sped off in the direction of the church, the invitation pressed tightly between her thumb and forefinger. Hitting traffic only stressed the blonde out further, her lips pressed into a thin line as she closed her eyes, tapping her foot rhythmically to the soft beat playing in her head of all of the dumb school dances the pair jokingly went to together, the dances themselves were stupid, but seeing Riley dressed up and holding her hand out for Maya to dance with her left Maya intoxicated then and now, when she remembered those nights.

Maya and Riley had so many memories that Maya continues to cling onto, from school dances to sleepovers, to both lying on Riley’s bed doing their homework, and Maya more than occasionally glancing up and smiling when she saw Riley; eyebrows furrowed in confusion with her tongue sticking out as she figured out the answer to a particularly tough problem. From the nights they would spend on the roof of Maya’s apartment building, when space nerd Riley would make an appearance and excitedly point out different constellations, grabbing Maya’s hand and holding it, loosely intertwining their fingers as she pointed out a constellation for Maya to finally see, although Maya would be lying if she noticed anything other on those nights than the beautiful girl who’s hand she was holding.

Climbing out of Riley’s bay window, with tears falling from her best friend’s eyes was the hardest thing Maya ever did; having chosen to not pursue her original plans to go to college, and with Riley leaving for Stanford just days later, Maya stupidly thought that their friendship could not handle long-distance, or at least that was the excuse she gave Riley – hell, they had both planned to stay best friends when the possibility of the Matthews’ family moving to London had arisen. Maya can still hear the crack in Riley’s voice as the brunette begged her for an answer on why she had to leave, even now, Maya doesn’t think she has a coherent response to the toughest question she had ever been asked, and so, like she had done for most of her life, she turned her back and walked away whilst the pain was still bearable.

Losing the girl Maya loved to the guy Riley loved was always going to be one of the toughest pills to swallow, but the realization that she was losing her best friend, her other half, and even the stretch of Maya calling Riley her soul-mate just cut the blonde’s wounds even deeper, to the point where Maya had accepted they would never heal.

It was a pathetic last ditch attempt for Maya, if she didn’t crash her best friend’s wedding and admit she was in love with Riley before she married Lucas, Maya knew she would never have another chance, she would have officially lost Riley forever, and maybe she should have done this in the four years she had ignored her, she maybe should have admitted it before Riley had left for Stanford, but due to what she called her own personality defects, she continuously backed out, convincing herself that Riley was straight, that Riley wasn’t stupid enough to fall in love with Maya’s messed up self. All those years of self-loathing and long nights convincing herself that Riley was utterly in love with Lucas Friar had led Maya to this rash decision of choosing to crash her wedding in the hopes that Riley had loved her all along, for Maya to convince Riley to leave Lucas at the altar and to spend the rest of her life with Maya, to save Maya from who she knew she was on the road to becoming.

Maya was always better when Riley was around, something she spent nights wishing on stars and different deities, to have Riley back into her life, making her a better person, to love her, to make her laugh and hold her when she needed it. Riley never reached out, and Maya was too stubborn and angry in her own actions that she would never pick up the phone and call Riley.

Once, what was the strongest friendship, had now been reduced to lost memories and teary-eyed reminiscent nights.

The ring had not left her finger, Maya not being able to bear the pain of taking the ring off, bearing the heavy feeling in her chest when she saw the ring shining in the sun, or hearing the way it sounded when she caught it on her laptop. The ring was a simple symbol of their friendship, one out of a hundred, but knowing that Riley still had hers, regardless of whether she wore it, Maya always let herself believe, as long as she and Riley both had their rings, one day they would find their way back to another.

“We’re here.”

“Could you wait?” Maya asked timidly. “If this goes as badly as I think, I would need a quick getaway.”

The driver appreciated the nervousness and magnitude of the task that he was assuming Maya was about to face and agreed without question, Maya stepped out of the vehicle and let her eyes glance at the church in front of her, apart from the parked cars within the grounds, it looked like any other day, the door closed, the door being the last barrier between Maya and the stupidest decision of her life. Closing her eyes, Maya took a deep breath before she took off running as fast as her legs would go, she was too far into her own head to even hesitate when she reached the door, pulling it open and running in, stopping at the top of the altar, her eyes meeting Riley’s.

Gasps of shock, disdain and horror were soon replaced with hushed whispers, and Zay shook his head, the concerns of deep down having been for the right reason beginning to show on his face.

“Maya, don’t.” He warned her, but Maya’s eyes never left Riley’s, not even for a second long enough to look at her stunningly stood in her wedding dress. “Maya, don’t do this.”

Maya’s hands shook, and she opened her mouth to say something, but no words came out, well, not the words that would be appreciated in a place of worship. “Fuck, shit.” The blonde muttered, dragging a hand through her matted mess of unwashed hair.

“Maya?” The next voice to speak up is the voice than Maya doesn’t expect, she hears the inquisitive tone of Riley’s voice and her heart melts at the voice she hasn’t heard in such a long time, the voice that once used to send her sleep, along with a list of useless facts that Riley found fascinating.

“Ever since I can remember, you have been there – fuck, um, - you have always – no, god, uh.” Maya stumbled nervously over her words, having not thought through what she even wanted to say when she finally found herself in this position.

“Sixteen years ago I climbed through your bay window, I just heard a girl singing and I was intrigued, little did I know back then that I was about to meet who I know to be my soul-mate. I never understood love, but I understood what I felt when I was with you; it was happiness, it was an overwhelming sense of calm and purpose that I had never felt with anybody else. You loved me despite knowing how screwed up my life had made me, I never had it easy, but you never judged me, in fact you made me change my view of what I had suffered, you made it something I admired for making me who I was, I didn’t know who I was, but you did, when I was confused, you spent hours talking to me, helping me sort through it. When I came to you crying, you didn’t say anything, but you held me for hours, stroking my hair and telling me you loved me a thousand times over. I was supposed to be like you, I was supposed to find someone like Lucas to love, but every date I have gone on, every boy’s hand I held, never felt the way your hand felt in my mine. When I finally figured out who I was, it was too late.” Maya stopped, still refusing to meet Riley’s eyes. “I lied, the day I stopped talking to you was not because I thought our friendship could not last cross-country, it was because I fell in love with you and I never felt brave enough to tell you just what I felt for you – I suppose choosing your wedding day wasn’t the best choice either,” Maya scratched the back of her neck. “I don’t expect you to leave Lucas, or even magically realize that you love me. I just finally knew I needed to be honest with myself. Riley Matthews; I am undoubtedly in love with you, and I wish I was the one standing beside you – up there.”

Maya swallowed thickly, finally lifting her head to meet Riley’s eyes, “I’m going,” the words fell out quietly, barely above a whisper in the silent church. “Congratulations Riles.”

Maya slowly walked towards the door, not daring to look back, for the sake of her already fragile heart, she exited the church, closing the door over behind her. The tears threatening to fall had already started, and Maya made no effort to stop them.

~

Riley, having pulled herself out of her frozen stance, sat down on the steps leading to the altar.

She hadn’t seen Maya Hart in four years, after letting the blonde climb out of the window after making little effort to fight for their friendship, she had lost all hope of ever seeing the girl again, with Maya all but falling off the radar of their friends, well, except for Zay. Riley had spent so many years trying to get over losing Maya, making friends with other girls, especially at Stanford – but, with not one of them understanding Riley the way Maya did, she gave up, accepting that she would never meet a girl like her ever again, and that Maya was her one in a million.

To have Maya interrupt her wedding and pour her heart out to Riley, for Riley to hear Maya admit she was in love with her had Riley feeling a hundred different ways, but most of all, looking down at the twinning ring to the ring she saw still sitting on Maya’s finger, it had Riley wondering whether marrying Lucas was the right idea.

Ever since she was a young girl, Riley had dreamt of falling in love and marrying her soul-mate, and she loved Lucas so much, but she loved Lucas because she thought she had to, in reality, nobody that Riley had ever been with had her feeling anywhere close to the feeling being with Maya gave her. Riley never used to understand why holding Maya’s hand felt better than when she held Lucas’ hand, she didn’t understand the difference in hearing ‘I love you’ from Lucas and Maya was so different, on one hand, when she heard Lucas tell her, she often had to force back a simple ‘I love you too’ but Riley had always chalked that down to her college experience making her a less emotional person, but when she heard Maya tell her, Riley would blush and could list ten reasons in that moment why she loved Maya.

On paper, she was so much better suited to be with Lucas, they were the best couple, hot, intelligent, and a poster couple for most of their friends and family members; and also, Maya was continuously getting Riley into trouble and for the most part, acting as the bad influence best friend, but Riley craved the adventure, every day was something brand new with Maya, with Lucas, it was boring and repetitive.

“Do you love her?”

The question caught Riley off-guard, mainly because of the softness of Lucas’ tone, no accusation or maliciousness, he sat down beside his bride, looking forward, not wanting to look directly into her eyes as of yet.

“Are you in love with her Riley?”

Riley knew she couldn’t answer it. She wasn’t sure of what she felt for Maya, after seeing her for the first time in so long, Riley was more confused than she had been in four years.

“I’m not going to marry you Riley.” Lucas gave her a soft smile, reaching over to take her hand in his. “I love you, but I know you are not in love with me, and I just want you to be happy.” Lucas leant over and kissed her cheek before standing up, and heading towards the church door, looking back and mouthing ‘be honest’ to Riley, before leaving.

~

“What the fuck Maya?!” Zay yelled at her, storming around his apartment as Maya sat still on the couch, staring at the blank TV screen in front of her. “You know you broke my best friend’s heart right?! You fucking promised me!” Zay continued to yell in complete outrage at Maya’s antics. “I can’t believe after everything you have been through, you finally admit you love Riley in the worst place possible! They were happy!” Zay continued to bark at her, pacing his apartment, not expecting an answer from Maya, and instead just wanting to scream until he couldn’t scream any more.

“… Zay, drop it, please.” Maya half-heartedly begged, not being able to take his incessant shouting any longer. “I made a mistake, I made Riley hate me – more than she does.”

Zay stopped and dropped his shoulders at the heart-wrenching crack in Maya’s voice as the blonde pulled the blanket further around her shoulders. Zay padded over to the couch and wrapped Maya in a hug, “I know, I’m sorry, it’s going to be ok.” Zay repeated in a softer register, finally the threatening onslaught of tears to fall from Maya’s eyes once again. “We’re going to get through this.”

~

“What are you going to do?” Farkle asked, popping a piece of popcorn into his mouth as Riley desperately tried to focus on the movie playing.

“I just got left at the altar fourteen hours ago Farkle. I haven’t thought about it.” Riley lied through her teeth, keeping her focus on the TV, reaching into the bowl to grab a few pieces of popcorn.

“Okay, one; you’re a terrible liar, and two; it’s all you have thought about.” Farkle smugly told her, and Riley paused the movie with a heaving sigh.

“I haven’t seen her in four years and she just turns up out of nowhere and tells me she’s in love with me, then, I get left at the altar with Lucas telling me to be honest.”

Farkle placed the bowl on the table and turned sideways, letting his hand fall on Riley’s shoulder. “And? Do you think you could be in love with Maya too?”

“I like girls, Farkle.” Riley admitted, feeling what felt like a thousand weights lifted from her shoulders. “And, I’ve liked Maya Hart since I was thirteen years old.”

Farkle leant back, his jaw dropped as he took in the expression on Riley’s face, “W-What? This – isn’t – real – life.”

Despite the thick tension hanging above them due to the situation; Riley laughed and leant over, closing Farkle’s mouth for him.

“You love Maya? Maya loves you? Why did you agree to marry Lucas?!” Farkle questions, his voice rising in intrigue and a hint of excitement (that of which he would vehemently deny).

“I thought I had to marry Lucas, being with Lucas was right, and also, I thought my feelings for Maya were one-sided. Do the math, _genius._ ” Riley teased,

“This is amazing, Riles! You have to tell her! Then you can marry her, and have three children and grow old together!”

~

Riley lifted her hand to knock on the door, but dropped it back down to her side, feeling a ball of anxiety fill her stomach as she stood outside Maya’s apartment, after the longest heart-to-heart with Farkle, Riley had finally been convinced to be honest with herself and with Maya, and admit that for the last ten years, she had been in love with the same girl. Lifting her hand again, Riley finally knocked and the answer of,

“Zay, it’s open!” Was heard through the door, of course, the last person Maya would ever expect was Riley Matthews on her doorstep.

Riley pushed open the door and stepped into the apartment she had never been in, and laughed slightly, the décor completely resembling the badass blonde she loved with all of her heart. Riley walked through the apartment, the soft sounds of Queen coming from what Riley assumed was Maya’s bedroom, the door slightly ajar. Again, Riley hesitated upon walking in, she had no idea what kind of reaction she was going to get when Maya realized it was in fact her and not Zay like she had expected. Taking a deep breath, Riley opened the door fully and Maya was sitting on the floor, bobbing her head softly to a Queen song, having not noticed her, Riley slipped into the room and slid down the wall beside Maya and sat down.

“Hi, Peaches.”

Maya knew it was Riley at her door, she had almost expected the brunette to turn up eventually, and she was going to kill Zay for giving Riley her address the next time she saw him.

Still, Maya’s heart soared at the nickname she had been longing to hear for a long time. “Hey, Riles.” Maya swallowed thickly,

Both girls sat in silence, the music being the only savior to what would be the thickest and one of the more awkward atmospheres both girls had been a part of.

“W-Why are you here?” Maya asked, closing her eyes as she dreaded what the answer could be, it would be too much for Riley to admit she loved her too, in fact, Riley was probably here to yell at her and then inform her that she did marry Lucas after she left.

“It’s been four years…” Riley trailed off, “it was my wedding day Peaches, you had so long to tell me, why then? Why now?”

“I had one more chance Riles. If I didn’t tell you then, you would have married Lucas and I would have lost you forever.” Maya answered honestly, not giving two thoughts as to why she was being so honest when she was probably setting herself up for a heartbreaking rejection.

“Thank you.” Riley offers Maya a sad smile, “Thank you for telling me, thank you for stopping me marrying Lucas-”

“Wait, what?” Maya wonders, turning her head to look at Riley who is already looking back at her. “I didn’t marry him.”

“Ten years ago, I realized something that I kept a secret until last night. I liked girls, it wasn’t a big deal, but I liked you, and that is what scared me. I was in love with you and I thought you were straight, and Lucas loved me, so I loved him, but I was never in love with him.”

Maya listened intently, not quite believing her ears at Riley admitting she was in love with her.

“He told me to be honest, and Farkle and I had a long heart-to-heart. Now, now I’m here, and I’m telling you something I should have told you a long time ago.” Riley was smiling widely, and the next thing she did was so typical, and something that meant so much more to them.

Riley lifted her hand, “Thunder.”

Maya lifted her hand, and joined her own with Riley’s, unable to stop the grin from playing on her lips. “Lightning.”

“I love you.” Riley told her,

“I love you Riles.” Maya mumbled, leaning forward, their hands still joined,

“Kiss me, Peaches.”

“Happily.” Maya whispered against Riley’s lips before closing the gap and becoming weak at the knees at the taste of strawberries on Riley’s lips.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm drunk and sad and rilaya should have been canon!! leave comments and kudos if you want, they're always appreciated!! I love you all so so much, bye guyssss :) xxx


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